Instead, it’s about not being overly available to her every time she texts you. Generally, what we recommend is, if they don’t write back, it’s okay to contact them again about a week later. He’s just too serious all of a sudden. anger, frustration, disappointment). Contact Your Ex. Sometimes a guy might try to make his ex want him, by bragging to her about how great his life has been since they split up. For example: If his ex asks, “So, how have you been?” he might respond with something like, “Having a wonderful time these days. She plays hard to get and instead of laughing it off, he becomes insecure. After all, the no contact rule is supposed to help reunite a happy couple. Unless you say something that offends your ex or pushes him or her away, your response won’t make your ex lose respect for you. This applies as equally to relationships and people as it does to material things. If there’s one question my team and I come across most often from the clients we coach is, “How long should I wait before initiating contact after no contact?” The truth is that there is no objective right answer to that question or a strict formula to follow, just like there isn’t a right or wrong answer for what to do after the no contact rule. I can’t believe I let a catch like him go. And you’re not going to have much luck getting them back if you don’t talk to them in a healthy, productive manner that’s improved from how you guys communicated with each other before. This is why, if you want to ask your ex to meet up, it’s much better done on a phone call. Even in cases where a woman does still have feelings for her ex and has missed him, she usually won’t say that she’s changed her mind right away, because she won’t want to come across as being too easy. It is okay to let them know you are not interested in … By necessity, if you want your ex back, you must try something new in order to create something better than before. Remember: A woman can easily find out if a guy is really happy without her, or if he’s only putting on an act. Question: After 4 months of no contact, my ex-girlfriend texted me to see how I am doing. Always keep in mind that we want to initiate contact with an ex from a strong position of power and confidence. A couple of weeks before the breakup she said she felt she was losing the attraction and after talking to her, she agreed it was no reason to breakup. Don’t fall victim to her provocations. I wanted you to be one of the first to know, because you’re such a good friend to me now.”. This time, however, you’ll be able to implement parameters that promote respect. Instead, put all that behind you and focus instead on rebuilding her feelings of respect and attraction for the man that you are now. Step 1: Take a step back. I tend to grasp material much better when it is structured. Each and every one of us is wired differently. Question: I called up my ex after 2 months of No Contact as I felt that much space apart will be required for me and her to get a clear perspective. As you probably already know, the no contact period is about removing yourself from your ex’s life … Coach Steven. The trick, though, when your ex contacts you, is how do you respond? A classic technique that we always encourage our clients to implement is a handwritten letter. So, if you want to make your ex change her mind naturally and easily, the best way to go about it is by sparking her feelings of respect and attraction for you over the phone and during face-to-face interactions and showing her that you really are a different man now. However, if he responds in ways that turn her off, rather than give him another chance, she will usually think something along the lines of, “Contacting him was a mistake. When You Should Not Use The No Contact Rule First of all, let me encourage you to trust no contact. Is Giving a Gift To Your Ex Ever a Really Good Idea? Or you may be communicating your successes to mutual friends, which is another mistake people make after no contact, in hopes that your friends will relay this information to your ex. My ex broke up with me after 9 years for reasons I NOW understand. It depends on what they say and if your ex keeps texting you, but in general you should respond to an ex boyfriend or girlfriend’s text by being happy and lighthearted. Either he’s lost interest in me and is only asking me to meet up so that he can rub my face in his new life, or he’s actually not feeling very confident about himself so he’s hiding behind text messages. So often, I get asked this so I figured I would clear the air and break it all down for you. Asking her for a meet up via text. ?” I ask right back, “Is there any wonder why good ol’ fashioned romance is in short supply nowadays?”. No Contact should make you and your ex mysteries to one another. All Rights Reserved. Yet, what often happens is that the guy gets so caught up in a back and forth conversation with his ex, that he eventually texts her something along the lines of, “Hey, why don’t we get together sometime?”. You Win Your Power Back. Why? Quite often, a guy will end up turning his ex off after using No Contact to get her back, by failing her confidence tests. There is just something about the thought that a person took the time and effort to transcribe their feelings on paper by hand, make sure it looks neat and clean, with no scribbles or scratch marks, to then fold it, seal it, pay for postage, stamp it, and walk to the mailbox to send it off that lets the other feel that they care. I told her I was glad to hear everything was going well with her, but she never replied. So, if your intention is to get your ex back, you’ve got to do what works. She can then begin to think something like, “This is interesting. I know it is really hard to escape the temptation to end the no contact period and respond to her texts especially when your ex-girlfriend is constantly reaching out to you. He asked how I was & asked for some advice about his mums friend he needed some hospital advice ( we had the same condition ) I was polite and gave him some information. Then, rather than saying, “Okay, sure. Then, getting her back becomes a lot more difficult because she’s closed off. In his mind he may be thinking, “This is the only chance I have with her. Another mistake people make after no contact rule is letting too much time to pass by. So, if he asks her if she’s changed her mind, without first actively re-sparking her sexual and romantic feelings for him, she’s usually going to pull away and say, “No.”. Why should your ex know about how you’re doing and what you’re up to when they made the decision to remove you from their lives? Yet, what he doesn’t realize is that just because a woman is texting him and possibly even being nice and sweet towards him, it doesn’t mean she isn’t busy moving on and hooking up with and dating other guys. Enter your email below to watch the video for FREE right now. It can’t be. Now, you can make a plan to get your ex back after no contact. Instead, take your time and get back to her a little while later. Watch a secret video by Dan Bacon where he reveals the fastest way to get your ex back. If a woman breaks No Contact by texting her ex, it’s only natural that he will respond back to her in the same way. But if you knew more about how men react to the No Contact Rule, then maybe, just maybe, you'd be able to stick to it, and follow it through. Keep the message open-ended, so as … All rights reserved. She may then begin wondering what you’re up to and imagine that you might be hanging out with friends, a new girl or doing something so interesting that you don’t have time to reply to her. If I had to make a bet, I would say social media is one of the chief culprits in disrupting both parties’ efforts to give each other space while the no contact rule is in effect. Respond To Your Ex’s Text If You Deem It To Be An Emergency or Critical Information. As this is the first contact after you have successfully followed “No Contact Rule“, your ex will definitely be wondering your purpose of texting your ex without a doubt. Essentially, he’s hoping that she will say, “Yes” and they can then meet up and get back together from there. If you have a problem with women, we have the perfect solution for you. takes really long to respond to her text messages, doesn’t call her on the phone, pretends to be busy if she suggests a catch up). Then getting her back will be easy.”. So whatever you do, don't follow the 30, 45, or 60-day no contact rule because it's a hoax. Then, if some other guy comes along and makes her feel attracted, she will hook up with him instead. During the No Contact Period, you should avoid initiating any sort of contact with … I’m actually laughing and enjoying interacting with him. “But Coach, you JUST SAID it’s not how long you wait!” I did say that, but I also need to remind you that you need to be proactive and not just twiddle your thumbs or wait for your ex to come back to you after you regroup. This is why, if he suddenly begins to play hard to get, she might think, “If he thinks that he can mess me around just because I contacted him, he can think again. It wouldn’t be called what it is if you weren’t planning on getting back with your ex, or else it would be called “Moving on with your life!” Re-establishing communication with your ex is implied, and it is one of, if not, the most integral part of reconciling with your ex. There is no quicker, more effective way to get an ex woman back than what Dan teaches in this secret video. But it also has indirect implications. Yes, we will look at what you should be doing during no contact and after, to best help you get back with your lover. This one’s a big one, guys… but it’s a LOT easier than you think it is. Nooooooo darling no respond !! So, if you truly want to get your ex back and have a happy, loving relationship with her, don’t waste time playing games. Get your ex back after no contact by making incremental RIGHT moves. All she has to do is wish him good luck and say she’s going to move on too and he will usually start chasing after her. They need to know that they earned it, struggled for it, overcame the challenge that stood in the way of getting what they wanted. We will be able to tell you exactly what to do after the no contact rule, the signs to look for that will tell you it’s time to reach out to your ex, the mistakes to avoid during and after first contact, and how to ultimately talk to your ex in a new, productive, and attractive manner. This truth is the driving factor behind it. She knows that her ex could be saying one thing and feeling another, so in most cases, a woman will naturally be suspicious of anything her ex texts her. So don’t count the days during or after no contact. . © 2021 Elite Communication Coaching, LLC. It gives you some breathing room and allows you to recollect yourself after an emotionally tumultuous event such as a break-up. Then, when you apologize to her and talk about the relationship, it won’t seem out of place and like you’re pushing her into something she doesn’t want. But that’s not to say you can’t avoid most mistake people make after no contact. Texting is also good in this context in order to get a quick feel for where your ex currently stands, while at the same time, providing you with an exit to avoid drama. So, don’t brag about your life to your ex via text, even if you are really having a great time. However, that approach almost always backfires and he completely misses out on the opportunity to meet up with her, reactivate her feelings and get her back. As a result, she becomes defensive and closes herself off from him. You sit on your stool, get a drink of water, catch your breath, repair any damage your opponent may have done, and have your trainer analyze your performance and accordingly adjust the game plan for you [insert link to coaching page], if necessary. Whatever the case, there are many reasons why he may reach out to you that are not because he still loves you. We can help you get laid or get a girlfriend, fix your relationship or marriage that has lost its spark, or get your ex girlfriend or wife back after a break up or divorce. "Borderline" Provocations Part II: How Not to Respond ... After all, they are just too stupid to figure these things out for themselves. Mild panic ensues. I know, I know. It’s completely meaningless. Well, you have to restart your No Contact Rule over from the get go. Exes are constantly looking for a reason to justify their decision for the breakup and will go to great lengths to prove it. This is not about being a jerk and treating your ex badly (e.g. She then begins to pull away from him, because he’s just not making her feel the way she wants to feel when interacting with him. During the no contact period, you want to make sure not to make any contact with your ex in whatever circumstance. Yet, in most cases, when a guy is bragging about how wonderful his life is without his ex, it’s usually because the opposite is true and in reality he’s actually feeling depressed and miserable without her. He has already helped countless men from all over the world to get their ex woman back and he can help you too. Therefore, it is always better to wait longer and be safe than sorry to achieve this than be overzealous and over-shooting the ongoing attempt to get back with your ex. Just to give you an idea of how well no-contact works, I’ll share a couple of my own stories in how I’ve used no-contact to get back together with former ex-girlfriends. I know that I stuffed up but I really have changed and I want to work things out between us. You want to keep perspective and focus. I just have to make sure that I continue to play it cool, so that she will chase after me and desperately want me back. The goal is not to hold out for a set amount of time. These are: 1. ignoring her texts, being mean to her, trying to make her feel bad for breaking up with you). But the rule has just as many beneficial effects on you, the person who is implementing it. No. When you are able to place your value above your ex’s, you are able to hold your position from a place of confidence and self-assuredness. i initiated the no contact period for about 5 days when he suddenly texted me saying he saw this and thought of me and sent some links about an important hobby of mine. Question: My girlfriend of 2yrs decided 5 weeks ago that she wanted “a break” with no contact. It doesn’t matter the type of person or the type of relationship. Almost there! What to do after the no contact rule: How to talk to an ex again. He’s moving on without me! Breaking up is tough, even for couples who both realize they have grown apart. There’s no right or wrong way to reply to your ex’s first text after no contact. So let’s begin. Be proud of your accomplishment, because this is one of the great achievements in your life so far. Some say, “Why wait for and count on the post office to deliver a letter to my ex when I can use texting, email, skype, facebook, whatsapp, instagram, etc., etc., etc. When a guy dumps you, you lose your power in the relationship. Copyright © The Modern Man. And if that weren’t enough, you’re actively trying to create a new dynamic for interaction between yourself and your ex. We do, of course, get some pushback when we recommend writing a letter (as is expected). On that note, I emphasize again that the most important factor that determines how successfully you implement the no contact rule is not the length of time the strategy is implemented for, but rather, the quality of the work you invest in order for you to come out a better you. I even feel excited when I see that I have a message from him on my phone. Here is where the no contact rule comes into play. They should feel like you are enjoying life and don’t have hard feelings towards them. This, more often than not, affects us mentally and prevents us from thinking straight. People think that if they simply listen to their exes’ complaints at their word, and fix them, that everything will be fine. I’m not putting up with his childish behavior. Dan Bacon is 100% committed to helping men succeed with women. This is why people who seem unavailable or have limited availability are attractive and desirable. That is why, how I respond to her is vital, because if I say the wrong thing, she might get turned off and decide to stop interacting with me.”. So, when it comes to responding to an ex after No Contact, using a bit of humor is a great way to break the ice and take the bite off any negative feelings she may be holding onto about you. Please complete this quick form to gain instant access. Then, rather than giving him the benefit of the doubt and assuming that he is feeling relaxed, confident and self-assured when he sent her a text to ask her to meet up, she might just continue thinking about him based on how she felt when him and her broke up (i.e. Suddenly, when she responds to him she sounds offish and in some cases, she may even take longer and longer to reply until she finally stops texting him altogether. You actually don’t need your ex at all in your life. I just can’t relax and enjoy my interactions with him anymore. So, the right way to do it is to write text messages in a way that can allow your ex to respond if your ex wants to. However, even though a woman might feel comfortable initiating contact with her ex via text, for her to want to see him again in person, she will usually to see some proof that he’s at least changed and improved some of the things that turned her off before. When she begins to associate you with more positive emotions (e.g. A letter is an amazing way to reconnect because of the surprise element inherent in it. If one of you dumped the other, healing from the breakup is even more difficult. Updated: Sep. 27, 2019. Remember: Women are naturally attracted to confidence in a man, so if you can pass her tests, she will naturally feel respect and attraction for you, even if she doesn’t initially admit it. So, if you don’t want that to happen to you, you need to make sure that when you respond to your ex after No Contact, you don’t make any of the following mistakes: 1. When she can hear the confidence in your voice (especially if she’s being offish towards you), her walls will come down and she will want to meet up with you in person to see the new you for herself. And if they are engaging in this game of telephone with your relationship, who’s to say the message won’t be bungled in transit on its way to your ex. And this, believe it or not, doesn’t change in any stage of romantic relationships, whether you two just started dating, have been in a long-term relationship, are broken up, or learning how to talk to an ex again. You can’t get back with your ex if you never talk to them. I wouldn’t be good at my job if I didn’t warn you that there is going to be an adjustment period or learning curve after you figure out what to do after the no contact rule. For example, one of my clients had her ex suddenly text her out of the blue after two weeks of no contact. Instead, focus on re-sparking her sexual and romantic feelings for you on a phone call or in person. Examples of how to respond to an ex. It didn’t mean anything. Over the years, I've … None of this behavior is going to help you effectively implement the rule or correctly figure out what to do after no contact rule is over. Think about it: who expects to receive “letters” or anything that isn’t a coupon booklet, a bill, or a notice, in the mail in this day and age? When a woman opens herself up to her ex again, she’s basically giving him a chance to show her that he’s really changed and improved and become a better man than he was before they broke up. *** ∼ Brida Paulo Coelho You have most likely heard about the “no contact after break-up rule,” which basically consists of taking a specific period of time shortly after a break-up – usually a minimum of four weeks – where you do not contact your ex in any way, shape or form. During the conversation with your ex, casually bring up something funny or a … There is nothing worse than thinking you’re emotionally ready for contact, and then losing it once you actually get a call from your ex boyfriend or worse when he shows up at your door. When we first break up this is a very common question that most girls ask: “When should I contact my ex boyfriend?” There is so much advice out there on when to do it and a lot of them get it wrong because they either tell you to … 1 – What A Bi&*h. When I wrote Ex Boyfriend Recovery PRO a few years ago and I told people that using a no contact rule on an ex might make an ex think negative thoughts about them they always seem to get upset and think the strategy doesn’t work.. Examples of this would be incessantly looking through their pictures on Facebook, Instagram, or Snapchat, keeping tabs on your ex’s social media activity, keeping tabs on your ex’s real life by investigating their social media pages, etc., etc. If you want her back, you have to be bold and take the actions required to get her back for real. I hope while you’ve been out of contact you’ve also been tending to the other aspects of the No Contact method: practising self-care and … By Rachel Shatto. Focusing on what your ex wanted you to do or how they wanted you to act or who they wanted you to be will only cause you to fall back into those old patterns that caused issues in the first place because you’re only doing what your ex wants, not what you really want. She pretends to be angry about something and instead of standing up to her in an assertive yet loving way, he apologizes over and over. I say learning because the stage you are about to enter with your ex is completely new territory, and you need to be as confident and courageous crossing this brand new emotional landscape as you would be traversing an unknown physical landscape. While you should definitely respond to your ex when he contacts you during no contact, you should be careful. 5. Well I've never used Linkedin so I don't really know too much about it. Maybe I should talk to him on the phone or in person to see how I feel.”, She then becomes more open to the idea of talking to you on the phone and seeing you in person, giving you the opportunity to properly re-attract her, by allowing her to experience the new and improved man that you’ve become and get her back, Another example of how to respond to an ex after no contact is…. Don’t be afraid to call your ex on the phone, so you can then begin to re-attract her and make her want you back. The goal of this … You may be updating your social media profiles consistently enough for your ex to see your updates of the new and improved you from time to time. This is why you can’t wait too long to get her on a call. So, what often happens is that the woman hasn’t heard from her ex for a while, so she sends him a feeler text to see why he’s not talking to her. As this is the first contact after you have successfully followed “No Contact Rule“, your ex will definitely be wondering your purpose of texting your ex without a doubt. No contact after a breakup is for the person who was dumped and their personal development just as much as it is to get their ex back. So, after I recap what the no contact rule is and why we do it, we’ll get to the good stuff. You don't deserve to be tormented by hot and cold signals from your ex. Imagine you were a boxer in a fight. Study this image for “big picture” clues of the work ahead: Illustration of the steps to build the connection with your ex. Things don’t necessarily have to happen immediately. But that just serves to show how neglectful the person thinking this is, and how little value they are placing on themselves over their exes’ needs and desires. As tempting as it might be to want to ask your ex if she’s changed her mind about being broken up as soon as you hear from her, it’s probably only going to put her on guard and possibly even make her regret her decision to contact you. While you should definitely respond to your ex when he contacts you during no contact, you should be careful. No Contact Success: Gia (2 months) It was June 2015, and I sat on the beach with her. No contact is not eternal; you have to talk to your ex after 3 or 4 weeks (or slightly longer, depending on your unique situation) and begin to re-introduce the relationship. We tell you exactly how to contact your ex. That’s it? We've already helped 1,000s of guys to quickly and easily achieve what they want with women and we'd love to help you too. If you don’t, you may be shocked when one day she sends you a message saying something like, “Hey, I’ve got some great news I want to share with you. If you choose to respond, again as with any breadcrumb, be polite and short. He seems so different now. You’re in the middle of a no contact period for a reason, after all. You should be using this time to reflect and to truly work on yourself. Some view life with … Conversations held via texting can easily be de-escalated and diffused, if need be, by simply putting your phone down and walking away. This technique consists of cutting contact with an ex for a period of time (generally between three weeks and three months). However, that doesn’t mean she has feelings for him and wants him back. No Contact really works to get your ex back, but maintaining NC is no easy feat. So, focus on making her feel respect and attraction for the new you, rather than reminding her of the old you and the ex back process will become so much smoother and easier. Sometimes a guy spends hours thinking about how to respond to his ex. What To Do After No Contact If He Hasn’t Contacted You. 5 Texts To Send Your Ex After No Contact If You Want To Establish A Friendship. So, I dropped her a text asking her to let me know of a convenient time so that I can talk to her briefly. The fact is, it’s very difficult to reawaken a woman’s sexual and romantic feelings for you without actually talking to her (preferably face-to-face), where she can hear the tonality of your voice and see your confidence coming through via your body language. 4. If you are, then watch this free video by Dan to discover the secret to getting her back FAST. The first text after the no contact rule is not for you to text. Before I go any further, I want to briefly go over what the no contact rule is exactly. Your must keep certain strategic … Maybe contacting him was a mistake. But don’t count on it. This will actually pique her interest and make her eager to get your reply. It makes me wonder whether he’s changed at all and what his motives are for asking me to meet up via text. This is also about you. He then responds with something along the lines of, “It’s so good to hear from you! So, if you want to get your ex back, it’s very important that you maintain your confidence with her. So you’ve made it through the 30 days of “No Contact”. My Ex Wants Me Back Now That I’ve Moved On Without Her, 4 Examples of How to Stop Romanticizing Your Ex. Every single word your ex utters after the no contact period you should consider a test. 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